Failed Body Failed Mind

For the past week I have been simultaneously complaining about and ignoring a sore wrist. It has been sore and tender since last Tuesday (and, to be honest, the week before but that has not stopped me from lifting heavy with it, fitting in 3 or so hours of yoga propped up on it and typing with it. But Thursday night, as I moved through a gentle lunar flow practice, I knew I was out of luck for Friday’s class with Victoria. There was no way I was getting from half-way lift to low plank on this baby.

I went to class anyway intending to get through the whole practice. Because I’m like that.

But I am also honest and for some reason I told Victoria about the wrist. Regardless of my telling her, it would have been pretty obvious as I was the only yoga-jerk grimacing through my first chaturanga. After briefly questioning me about my pain, Victoria noted to the class that “Anyone” (i.e.yoga-jerks too ego-driven to do what’s good for them) with a wrist injury should skip High-to-Low plank and go right to downward dog. I really like downward dog. And I actually really struggle with High-to-Low plank. And normally I would have loved this excuse, but because I had to take the dog instead of the plank, I was mad at myself. Really angry. The whole practice. Which completely destroys the point.

I have been working diligently at not letting my mind dictate my thoughts and this week I failed.  I failed at  Tuesdays class - though I didn't post about it - because I was angry with a co-worker and could not let it go.  I failed at Fridays class because I could not accept my injury and I could not accept a modified flow.  I failed because when I was unable to control my body, I was equally unable to control my mind.  This week has shown me how far I have to go.  It has also shown me that anger is by far my most powerful emotion and the one I need most to understand and master.  This week has also shown me that I need to understand that a bad practice is not a failure, but a lesson.